I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
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