I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
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