my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Randomize
