ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Randomize
