What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
