I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
