Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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