Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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