the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Randomize
