He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Randomize
