when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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