xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
if only i could text you this smell
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
