I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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