So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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