Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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