i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
