saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
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