Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize