I look better un-naked...
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
