i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
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