Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
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