I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Randomize
