Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
