Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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