Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
i think we sleep fucked last night...
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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