in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
