i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
This baby is an asshole
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
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