I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
