It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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