he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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