Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize
