You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Randomize
