so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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