the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Just puked most of my soul out..
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