if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
