I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
