I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize