You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
