so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
