It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
that's an acceptable place to lick
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
