Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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