Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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