Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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