they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
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