I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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