I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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