Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I just blew my weed a kiss
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Randomize
