She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
