I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
