Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize