Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
