Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
