he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
