I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Randomize
