In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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