Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Pappa wants mamma naked
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
