after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
