im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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