It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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