Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
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