he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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