I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
she told me i tasted like america
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
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