Whod you bang
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Randomize
