i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Randomize