I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
