i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Randomize
