so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
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