I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
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