My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
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