I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
